Popular Facebook blogger and activist, Funke Philips has shared an interesting piece of what happened the day she realised her boyfriend had a side chick.
So let’s do small gist before we wake up and face the day…
Years back when I was in Uni, I had this boyfriend. He was in Lagos while I was schooling in Edo so you could call it a long distance relationship. Anyway, this guy was so adorable, so caring, so nice ati be be lo. If I said jump, he’d ask ‘Baby, how high do you want me to jump? Are you sure I shouldn’t fly too?” I’m kidding but you know what I mean. He was a perfect boyfriend. He made me feel so good and secure. He gave me a key to his place. Whenever I was coming back from school, he’d pick me up. He was my driver around town. He’d escort me to the salon and sit patiently while I made my hair. Very correct guy.
So, there was a time we had this cultist wahala in school so I decided to come home while they settled their nonsense, person cannot come and die by stray bullet. Anyway, I didn’t inform my boo so he wasn’t expecting me. I wanted to surprise him. I got to Lagos, took a cab to his house and opened the door. Immediately I got in, I saw this sisi coming out of the kitchen wearing his shirt and boxers. I just smiled inside me. She was startled. Before she could open her mouth, I seized the narrative.
“Who are you and where’s my brother? Isn’t he back from work?”
She was startled. “Ah. You’re Ayo’s sister? Welcome aunty. Welcome” She knelt down, greeted me and took my bag.
“He’s not yet back ma. Come and sit down. What would you drink?”
I was amused. Here I was barely 20, and a girl clearly older than I was was genuflecting and greeting me with respect because I was in my ‘brother’s’ house. I decided I liked this respect of a thing and wanted to see how far I could take it. Let’s just say I kinda overdid it.
I sat down, put my legs up and started ordering “my prospective sister-in-law” upandan. What did you cook?
She cooked jollof rice and served me like a queen. With chicken, turkey and dodo put on a tray. She knelt down while giving me the food. I ate till my tummy almost burst. That was the sweetest jollof I’ve ever eaten. The best jollof rice ever. I can’t get over how sweet it was.
She brought a pillow for me to adjust my back. She brought the remote control closer to me. She brought me water. I sent her to buy me stout. She went over and beyond to make me comfortable. I liked her already.
While I was sending her upandan, I’d throw her small compliments like “my brother must really like you” “you’re the first girl I’ve seen here” “you’re our wife o” And she’d giggle and blush and do more to please me.
She must have asked me “Aunty, do you want me to do anything else for you?” like 50 times.
After eating delicious jollof rice to my fill, I settled down to watch TV. I still kept on sending my ‘sister in law’ though. Open my bag. Bring out that charger. Charge my phone. Take out the clothes in that bag. Put them in this other bag. She was a dutiful little worker. Bless her.
Shortly after 7pm, our ‘boyfriend” came back…though I mean by now he was my brother. Immediately he got in and saw me, he was shocked opening his mouth and closing it like a fish. I jumped up and called my new ‘sister-in-law’. “Your darling is back o. Thank you for taking care of me. I’d be going home now”. Then I turned to my brother and wagged my finger in his face “This girl is a good girl. You better treat
her right”. Then I turned back to my sister-in-law, “If he misbehaves, let me know”. She knelt down and thanked me again. I was happy. This respect thing is heady stuff o.
She collected my number and I told my brother to pick my bags and drop me home.
He picked up my bags and we went out into the car. He still hadn’t uttered a word. We got into the car and he started apologising. He was sorry. She meant nothing. He met her at the club. He wasn’t expecting me blah blah blah. I didn’t even answer him. I didn’t have his time. I was too busy thinking about that sweet jollof rice. I was regretting why I didn’t tell her to pack me a bowl of it to eat at home. We got to my house and I got down, I didn’t even look back at him or wave bye.
That jollof rice was sweet ehn.